Here's the prescription - Have more sex !
Now, this might seem surprising. After all, sex is such a natural activity and everyone does it all the time , so how will having more sex improve your fertility ?
The trouble is that sex for procreation is very different from sex for recreation.
When you're made to perform " on demand ", this creates all kinds of problems.
The husband may not feel like having sex on a particular day , but his wife arm twists him , because the doctor has advised them to have sex on Day 12, 14 and 16 ( which is actually bad advice, but is still trotted out mindlessly by most gynecologists. )
This often means that he fails to get an erection on that day, which makes his wife really angry and upset, because she blames him for "wasting" her fertile day and messing up her chances of getting pregnant in that month. , This starts becoming a negative vicious cycle , because he feels that he's losing his potency , and won't be able to perform in the future as well. They start fighting with each other, which compounds the problem. The wife is completely detached from sex, because she has now divorced baby-making sex from love in her head . Because intercourse is no longer enjoyable for her , she does not get lubricated, and this causes dyspareunia ( pain during sex). They both start dreading the act of intercourse, which means the frequency drops even further !
In today's life , stress in omnipresent, and the loss of sexual desire is the price many couples pay for leading a high-pressure life. By the time people come back from home in the evening, they are dead tired. Coping with the daily commute, dealing with an irate boss ,and trying to placate angry customers often means that all they can do when they come back home is watch TV, have dinner, and flop into bed . They just can't find the time, energy or inclination to have sex on the weekdays. The weekends are so busy catching up on household chores that it's often months before they're able to have sex at all .
This is one of those issues which both are ashamed about. They don't want to discuss it, which means it becomes the elephant in the room . They don't even tell their doctor the truth , and will usually lie to the doctor about their frequency of intercourse. Most doctors aren't sensitive or empathetic enough to inquire into such a touchy and sensitive issue.
This is why a lot of what doctors label as infertility is actually just a result of infrequent intercourse. The problem starts getting medicalized , and doctors are more than happy to intervene , by doing procedures such as artificial insemination. This means that the poor couple ends up converting a pleasurable bedroom activity into a clinical activity - and to add insult to injury, they have to pay for this !
So what should you do? For one thing, stop timing baby-making sex. This is counterproductive , and just adds to your stress levels. The trick is to have sex frequently and not worry about the actual days. Human reproduction has been designed well enough that as long as the sperms are going in the vagina, you don't need to obsess too much about when you're having sex , as long as you are having it at least twice a week.
Yes, it can be hard to have sex when you're tired in the evening , so a simple solution is to get up and have sex first thing in the morning . Men will often have an early morning erection , and you can have a quickie - for example, while having a shower together. ( This is a good way of starting the day !)
You should also experiment with using sexual toys to improve libido. These are now easily available online , and help to create the mood . The wife can also work on seducing her husband in order to initiate sex - he'll be more than happy to reciprocate !
It's a good idea to use liquid paraffin , because that's an effective sperm-friendly lubricant , and can help to overcome dyspareunia . The husband can also ask the doctor to prescribe a Viagra equivalent. He can use this as a crutch, in order to help him get a harder erection, and this can help with vaginal penetration.
Couples need to put having sex on their priority list - after all,it's not something which you can outsource to someone else ! The tragedy is that always important , but never urgent , which means it it keeps on getting pushed off.
In order to persuade patients, I remind them that if you don't have sex frequently with your wife, you will have to pay a doctor to do artificial insemination for you . This would cost more than Rs 20,000 every month ( forget about the inconvenience of going to the doctor; the time wasted; and the indignity of your wife being prodded and probed) . If you instead decide to prioritise having sex with your wife at least seven times in a month ( before ovulation), then you will save all that money.This means you are actually being paid Rs 3,000 rupees to have sex with your wife every time! Now, isn't that a good deal?
Baby making sex can be fun and pleasurable , if both of you are willing to work together.
One simple way of keeping the pressure off is by not insisting on having vaginal intercourse every time. You could just cuddle and mutually masturbate each other - and often this will lead to sexual intercourse in the heat of the moment.