Some may find this very surprising, but many marriages remain unconsummated. This could be because there is a problem either with the husband or the wife.  The good news is that now there are various clever solutions that can help these couples have a baby. When most couples get married, they feel they will have sex and eventually get pregnant when they want to start a family. However, some unlucky folk find that they are unable to have sex; there could be a number of reasons why this occurs:

  • Some men have ED (erectile dysfunction)- this prevents them  from achieving intravaginal penetration
  • On the other end of the scale are men who have premature ejaculation. They ejaculate even before they penetrate

Regardless of what the reason is, the end result of both these conditions is the same- they are unable to consummate their marriage. Women who have vaginismus are also unable to consummate their marriage.

The repercussions 

It’s obvious that a couple that is caught in a sexless marriage will be distressed and stressed. It’s not that the marriages aren’t stable- many of them are; but when the couple loves each other and even if they don’t feel deprived because there is no sex, they still go through a lot of personal angst and agony as they have to deal with societal pressures.

The partner who is unable to perform feels very incomplete and inadequate. There are times when the wife feels that she is depriving her husband of both sexual pleasure and a baby. The husband feels guilty because his wife has to bear social taunts because he is unable to perform in the bedroom.

The shame factor 

Couples find it very difficult to talk about these issues as there is a lot of shame attached to it. The topic itself is taboo and the couple also doesn’t discuss it amongst themselves; after all, the topic is a very sensitive one. Neither wants to raise the issue, but putting it on ignore mode doesn’t really help in any way or make the issue go away. Not only can’t they discuss it with each other, but they have difficulty with discussing it with outsiders as well.

If this silence continues for too long, it can wreck the marriage. However, it’s heartening to note that there are medical solutions to these issues. The best plan of action is to seek medical help from an expert before the matter gets out of hand. Vibratory therapy and self inseminations are the 2 treatment options available for men with erectile dysfunction. Vaginismus can also be treated with different self-help options.

Authored by : Dr Aniruddha Malpani, MD and reviewed by Dr Anjali Malpani.

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