How husbands can support their wives during IVF
Patient: Dr. Malpani, my husband feels really guilty because our infertility issue is due to a male factor. He sees me going through all the injections and procedures, and he doesn't know how to help.
Dr. Malpani: That’s very common. Many husbands feel helpless, but the truth is, there’s a lot they can do. The problem is that most of them don’t realise what the right kind of support looks like.
Patient: What’s the most important thing he should focus on?
Dr. Malpani: Emotional support. You see, he can’t take away the physical pain of injections or procedures, but he can make sure that you don’t feel alone in this journey. He should reassure you that he loves you, that he’s proud of you, and that no matter what the outcome, you’re in this together.
Patient: That makes sense, but he thinks that since I’m the patient, I should handle everything. He says, "You know more about it than I do, so you decide."
Dr. Malpani: That’s a mistake. Many men take a hands-off approach, thinking it’s the right thing to do. But IVF is a shared journey. It shouldn’t feel like it’s all on your shoulders. He needs to be actively involved—not just in words but in actions.
Patient: So, what exactly should he be doing?
Dr. Malpani: First, he should educate himself about IVF. He should understand what’s in the doctor’s control, what’s in your control, and what’s up to fate. That way, he can support you better and help you manage expectations.
Patient: But won’t all this information stress him out?
Dr. Malpani: Not if he looks at it the right way. The goal isn’t to obsess over every little detail but to get a basic understanding so he can be a real partner in this process. He should be asking questions, attending appointments when possible, and making sure you don’t feel like you’re going through this alone.
Patient: He did come with me for a few consultations, but after that, he started saying, “Let the doctor handle everything.”
Dr. Malpani: That’s another mistake. Doctors provide medical expertise, but the emotional aspect of IVF is just as important. If he simply hands over all decisions to the doctor, it makes you feel isolated. He should be helping you weigh options and discussing them with you—not just outsourcing everything.
Patient: He has also been spending a lot of time on Google, reading about IVF. But then he comes to me with conflicting information, and that just confuses me more.
Dr. Malpani: That’s a common trap. I call it “half-doctor syndrome.” Many men want to help, but instead of getting reliable information, they end up overwhelming themselves—and you—with unverified sources. Instead of spending hours online, he should trust your doctor and focus on supporting you emotionally.
Patient: So, what’s the best way for him to help me feel less anxious?
Dr. Malpani: One of the biggest sources of stress in IVF is uncertainty. He can’t change the outcome, but he can help reduce your fears by listening, reassuring you, and helping you find answers when you need them.
Patient: What if he gets frustrated with the process? He sometimes says, “Why is this taking so long?”
Dr. Malpani: That’s understandable. IVF can be exhausting for both partners. But he needs to remind himself that this is a journey, and patience is key. Frustration won’t change the biology of reproduction, but positivity and teamwork will make the process easier for you.
Patient: Sometimes, I feel like I’m making all the decisions, and he’s just going along with them. Should he be more involved?
Dr. Malpani: Yes, but in a way that respects your role. You’re the one going through the medical procedures, so the final decision should always be yours. His job is to support, not control. He should be your partner in gathering information and discussing options, but ultimately, you need to feel empowered in your choices.
Patient: So, he should be a supportive co-pilot rather than the driver?
Dr. Malpani: Exactly! Think of him as your navigator—helping you along the way but not taking over the wheel. His role is to make sure you feel supported, safe, and loved throughout the process.
Patient: That’s really helpful. I think I’ll share this with him.
Dr. Malpani: Absolutely! IVF is a team effort. The more both of you work together, the smoother the journey will be—no matter what the outcome. And remember, if you’d like a second opinion, you can fill out the form on our website with your reports, and I’ll provide a free second opinion here.