Lots of infertile women are depressed because they think life is being very unkind to them. The fact that beggars can have children at the drop of a hat, but they can't even perform such a basic biological function ( which millions of others can perform effortlessly ) hurts their self-esteem. This spills over into other parts of their life, and affects their personal relationships and their professional productivity as well.
Their unspoken plea is – ‘Why me? After all , I haven't hurt anyone, and am likely to be a good mother, so why is God punishing me ? ' They start blaming themselves, and believe it must have been something they may have done in the past ( or in an earlier lifetime !) which is causing them to become infertile.
You need to stop beating up on yourself - infertility is a medical problem, and it was not caused by something you did or did not do ! God does not punish anyone, and you need to learn to look at your problem more objectively, so you can deal with it constructively.
1) Take control
While this can be a distressing diagnosis, at least being able to put a name on the problem can help you take a step in the right direction to solving it. The good news is that there are many options available for family building - both medical and non-medical - so you can start exploring this. You don't need to remain a passive bystander or leave everything upto fate !
2) Learn to be kind to yourself
Stop blaming yourself , and don't mull over the past or wallow in self-pity. Playing the "woulda, coulda, shame" game just makes a bad situation worse, and doesn't change matters. You need to move forwards, and remind yourself that this is a medical problem which needs a medical solution - and the good news is that this is now easily available.
3) Talk to your friends and family
Sharing your feelings with your loved ones is great way to help you get through the grief. Let your family and close friends be the support you need through this tough time and instill positivity around you. Keeping a personal diary and journal can also help, as it allows you to vent safely. You can also find lots of other infertile women online, who will support you without being judgmental.
4) Be Proactive
Stop thinking about your past and start working on your future. While the final outcome is not in your hands, if you do your homework properly, you will have peace of mind you did your best.
Staying positive is a big step towards leaving behind the self-blame game. Infertility is difficult to handle, but with internal positivity and external support, you can find a solution !