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Infertility causes a lot of heartbreak, sorrow and unhappiness. This is what one of my patients had to say about being infertile.

" I hate the fact that I can't have a baby to cradle in my arms. This loss is like a death – the death of my dreams and hopes. I grieve over this void, which will always leave a sense of emptiness in my life. But I know I can deal with this heartbreak. I have dealt with disappointments in life before, and I can find the strength and emotional resilience to go through with this.

The Heartbreak

I hate having to see my mom grieve over the fact that she can't have a grandchild . I feel inadequate that I haven't been able to give her what she so deeply desires. I can deal with this, because I know I have given her lots of joy as well. I know that she loves me, and she just wants to see happy. Her unhappiness is a result of my unhappiness, and it’s very comforting to know she is always ready to be a bedrock of strength and support when I need her. She cares for me, and she is my strength.

More Heartbreak 

I hate seeing my husband's sorrow, because he doesn't have a child to play with – someone whom he can toss high in the air – or teach how to play cricket or tennis. This breaks my heart, especially when I see him looking wistfully at other dads playing with their kids – and when I see how much his nephews and nieces love him, because he is so patient with them.

I can deal with this heartbreak as well, because I know he loves me, and he didn't marry me just for the sake of my uterus. He married me because we love each other. We complement each other, and our marriage is stable. I know this painful infertility journey has exacted a toll, but it has also helped to make our marriage even stronger .

What Society Says 

I hate it when my friends and family members say cruel and unkind things like - Why don't you just adopt? Or Why don’t you do IVF? They do not realize how difficult, taxing, emotionally draining and expensive infertility treatment can be – and that the results are always uncertain. I can forgive them as well, because I remember Jesus’s last words on the cross – Lord, forgive them for they know not what they do.

Read more- The Older Woman and Infertility

People Pity Me 

The thing I find hardest to bear – and what I hate the most, is the pity I see in other people’s eyes when they say – Poor thing – She doesn’t have any children. This is the last straw, because I am far more than just a woman who is unable to have a child! I am a smart, intelligent, productive citizen who has a brain and who looks after her family.

I wish people would realize this, and understand that just because I cannot have a child does not make me less of a woman. I do not need their pity, and wish they would keep it to themselves – I have enough strength to fight and win my own battles! "

Read more- The Emotional Crisis of Infertility


Authored by : Dr Aniruddha Malpani, MD and reviewed by Dr Anjali Malpani.

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