Wise words from an expert IVF patient
You sit with your phone in hand. The news of another friend's pregnancy flashes across your screen. Your stomach twists. You want to be happy for her, truly, but there is a sting that you cannot ignore. Maybe you feel a pang of guilt for not being able to celebrate as easily as others do. Or perhaps you wonder if you will ever find yourself on the other side of this—holding your own baby, announcing your own good news. If this sounds like you, know that you are not alone. The silent struggle of infertility is something thousands of couples face. At Malpani Infertility Clinic, we have seen how powerful it can be to share real stories and real advice, not just medical protocols.
When Loss and Longing Become a Part of Daily Life
Infertility is not just about medical tests or hospital visits. It is about the quiet ache that follows you everywhere, the empty space at the dinner table, the awkward questions from distant relatives, and the sadness that lingers after every baby shower invitation. Sometimes, it is also about devastating loss—like losing a much-awaited pregnancy, or watching a dream slip away.
One of our bravest patients, Manju, has lived through this pain. She lost her twins and wrote about the experience with a raw honesty that touches everyone who reads her words. She shared her story with another patient who reached out for help. Her email is a reflection of what it means to grieve, to grow, and to hold on to hope even when it feels impossible.
Real Emotions: The Guilt, the Jealousy, and the Long Road to Self-Compassion
It is natural to feel hurt when someone else gets what you desperately want. Manju described it perfectly: seeing others get pregnant can feel like being the child left without a chocolate, watching someone else receive what you crave the most. These feelings are not shameful or bad—they are simply human. What matters is what you do next.
It is normal to feel jealous or sad when others announce their pregnancies. These emotions do not make you a bad person. They make you human.
Manju writes about the importance of recognizing these feelings and choosing not to let them control your life. If you allow negative emotions to fester, they can damage your friendships and your sense of self-worth. Instead, she urges others to acknowledge the hurt, let it pass, and then genuinely wish happiness for those who are celebrating. After all, understanding the value of a child—after all the struggles—can make you kinder and more compassionate, not less.
Finding Perspective: Gratitude and the Bigger Picture
It is easy to become consumed by what you do not have. But sometimes, looking at your life from a different angle brings relief. Manju reminds us that, despite infertility, there are things to be thankful for: access to medical care, the support of loved ones, and the fact that suffering takes many forms. Not everyone who wants treatment can afford it. And not every hardship is visible.
Her story also reflects on the societal obsession with motherhood. Manju’s sister, a gynecologist, once told her: "Even pigs give birth to many children." It was a jarring statement, but it made Manju realize that being a woman—and being a good human—means much more than the ability to have children. Motherhood is beautiful, but it is not the only path to fulfillment or self-worth.
How to Move Forward: Practical Steps for Healing
So, what can you do if you find yourself drowning in sadness or jealousy? Here are some practical steps, drawn from Manju’s wisdom and our experience at Malpani Infertility Clinic:
- Allow yourself to feel: Do not bottle up your emotions. Cry if you need to.
- Talk to someone who understands: Sometimes, another patient’s support means more than any doctor’s words. You can reach out to Manju at manjupadmasekar@yahoo.com or read her blog at www.myselfishgenes.blogspot.com.
- Practice self-compassion: Remember, infertility is not a punishment. It is not your fault.
- Focus on your own journey: Every life is different. Your story will unfold in its own time and way.
- Seek professional help if needed: Sometimes, talking with a counselor, or speaking to an experienced fertility doctor, can make a big difference.
couples experience infertility, but every story is unique—and every path forward is personal.
At Malpani Infertility Clinic, we believe every patient’s story matters. Our doctors do not just look at lab reports—they listen to your hopes and your fears. We encourage you to ask questions, challenge assumptions, and seek the information that helps you make the best decisions for your family. Whether you are trying your first cycle, recovering from loss, or trying to decide if treatment is right for you, you deserve honest guidance and compassionate care.
Your Worth Is Not Defined by Fertility
Society often puts motherhood on a pedestal. But you are not less of a woman because you are struggling to conceive. You are strong because you keep going, even when each day feels like a battle. As Manju reminds us, “Only when we feel defective, we get easily affected by others’ pregnancy news. Just believe that your turn will come, even if it doesn’t there are so many other ways to become a mom. Crying alone doesn’t make anyone a mom, caring does!”
Some days, you may feel like giving up. On those days, remember: you are allowed to feel sad, but you are also allowed to hope. You do not need to hide your pain, and you do not need to prove anything to anyone. If you want to talk to someone who gets it, reach out. And when you are ready, know that there are doctors—like Dr. Malpani—who truly care about your journey, not just your outcome.
If you would like to connect with Manju or read more about her journey, her blog is at www.myselfishgenes.blogspot.com.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: Is it normal to feel jealous or hurt when friends announce pregnancies?
A: Yes, it is completely normal and human. Most people struggling with infertility experience these emotions. Recognizing your feelings is the first step to healing.
Q: How do I cope with repeated disappointment from infertility?
A: Allow yourself to grieve, talk to supportive people, and seek professional help if needed. Self-compassion and connecting with others who understand can make a big difference.
Q: Does infertility mean I am less of a woman or person?
A: Absolutely not. Your value is not defined by your ability to have children. Being compassionate and resilient through adversity is a remarkable strength.
Q: Are there support groups or communities I can join?
A: Yes, both online and in-person support groups exist. Reading blogs like Manju’s or connecting with others through the Malpani Infertility Clinic can help you feel less alone.
Q: How can I support my partner or friend going through infertility?
A: Listen without judgment, offer emotional support, and encourage them to seek professional advice if they are struggling to cope.