How To Cope With Grief After A Miscarriage

1 In 4 Pregnancies End In Miscarriage: How To Cope With The Grief

For most parents, conceiving is always good news. However, it’s not always a guarantee that the pregnancy will be carried to term and that the delivery will be successful. Reports indicate that one out of four pregnancies end in a miscarriage. In other words, the probability of fetal loss is a whopping 25%. (1)

Miscarriage, for many, is a traumatic and emotional roller coaster. As a mother, you may experience emotional distress, strained relationships, and physical pain. You may even develop symptoms of depression or anxiety, which happens for nearly 20% of women who experience a miscarriage. But of all the emotions and pain one might feel after a miscarriage, the greatest of all these is grief. (2)

Though it’s a difficult situation to be in, you shouldn’t give in to the sadness or allow yourself to sink in it. There are healthy ways to cope with miscarriage grief that will allow you to overcome it eventually.



Recognizing grief after miscarriage

People grieve differently. For some, grief may last a seemingly short time, while for others, it may last for months or years on end. There is no time limit to which you’re confined to grieve the loss of your child. It’s healthy to cry it out until the pain subsides, no matter how long it may take.

Recognizing your grief is essential for your mental health. Regardless of the cause of the miscarriage, it’s critical to recognize that you’re in a state of grief and to allow the sorrow to ebb in whatever way works for you, so long as it doesn’t cause more harm. Don’t try to avoid or hide your grief, as that will only make things worse. You also shouldn’t feel as if it’s taboo to talk about it. Talking it out with friends or professionals, such as those offering perinatal mental health service, will significantly help as you try to heal.

Should you decide to suppress what you’re feeling, you may end up with grief debt. This happens when you suppress trauma instead of working through it. As a result, the next time you have a traumatic experience, the negative emotions will be compounded, and you’ll have a harder time than you would if you had just processed the first trauma. If you continue to suppress grief in traumatic events that follow, all the negative emotions will pile up. Just like a financial debt, it may prove difficult to pay off a grief debt of great proportions. (3)

Emotionally dealing with pregnancy loss

After experiencing a miscarriage, you may be weighed down with heavy emotions. As unpleasant as these emotions might be, they’re normal after such a traumatic event, and you shouldn’t be hard on yourself for feeling them.

However, they may cause you to do or say things you might regret, so it’s best to be aware of what to expect as you cope with your grief.

• Anger 

After losing your child, you may be angry as you ponder why things turned out the way they did. You could get angry at your partner, at the clinical attendants who handled you during the event, or even at friends who might turn up to visit you with their children. This anger may not be reasonable; in grief, some people tend to look for someone to blame as they try to make sense of what happened.

• Denial & isolation

There are cases where a person in grief may live in denial of the event for some time. This can happen in different ways. For example, one might insist that there’s a chance the baby is fine, or that the miscarriage was just a terrible dream. This is an unpleasant thing for loved ones to witness, so a person who’s grieving and in denial may want to be left alone to prevent other people from shattering their belief.

• Owning your feelings

The process of grieving is a long one, but eventually, you’ll come to terms with the loss of your child. That’s not to say that it won’t hurt anymore; the pain will still be there, but at this stage, you’ll come to accept what’s happened and think about how to move forward.

Getting support after miscarriage

A crucial point in healing from your miscarriage is to seek support from people who understand and who are willing to walk with you toward recovery. In that regard, you might want to consider the following options:

• Therapy

Professional therapy sessions will provide an avenue for you to talk about your grief and process your feelings in a healthy way. It’s important to get a therapist who’s professionally trained and who has experience helping mothers overcome miscarriage grief, as they can provide good advice and effective strategies to help you come to terms with your situation and make sense of your feelings.

• Support groups

There may also be a support group in your locality, comprising mothers who’ve gone through the same situation as well. Though it may seem hard at first, listening to other people recount their ordeals can help you realize that you’re not alone and that you can heal from it one day. It would also help to talk about your experience in a safe space and have the burden lifted from your shoulders.

• Family members

In grief, it can be easy to feel distanced from family members, as you might focus on the fact that they can’t possibly understand how you feel. However, you shouldn’t isolate yourself and prevent your loved ones from caring for you. It will help you to be surrounded by people who love you and want the best for you.

Miscarriages happen—moving on & trying again

A miscarriage is a traumatic thing to live through, but it doesn’t mean that you’ve lost your chance to be a mother. Depending on the cause of your miscarriage, there’s still a big chance you can try for another pregnancy. You can still go on to have a healthy pregnancy after your first menstrual cycle after a miscarriage, and the overall risk will be reduced by then. After all, only one out of 100 women experience a recurrent miscarriage. (4)

Whether you decide to try again soon or not, take the time to process your feelings about this miscarriage. Allow yourself to grieve and heal at your own pace, and reach out to people who will support you.

References

1. “Pregnancy Loss: 1 In 4”, Source: https://www.winniepalmerhospital.com/content-hub/pregnancy-loss-1-in-4 

2. “Depression And Anxiety Following Early Pregnancy Loss: Recommendations For Primary Care Providers”, Source: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4468887/ 

3. “What Is ‘Grief Debt’ And How Can We Get Rid Of It?”, Source: https://lifehacker.com/what-is-grief-debt-and-how-can-we-get-rid-of-it-1846420211 

4. “Pregnancy After Miscarriage: Answers To Your Questions”, Source : https://www.healthline.com/health/pregnancy/pregnancy-after-miscarriage