Why IVF Couples Shouldn’t Call Themselves “Patients”
Patient: Dr Malpani, I often hear people say that couples undergoing IVF are “patients”. But isn’t that correct? After all, we are taking medical treatment.
Dr. Malpani: That’s a very good question. I actually wish couples going through IVF would stop thinking of themselves as “patients”. You’re not sick. You’re healthy individuals who just need a little medical assistance to have a baby.
Patient: But I have blocked tubes, and my husband has a low sperm count. Doesn’t that make us patients?
Dr. Malpani: Not at all. Those are medical problems that prevent conception in the bedroom, but they don’t make you sick. IVF simply does in the lab what would normally happen in the fallopian tube. For five days, we culture the embryo in an incubator instead of the tube. Once it’s transferred into your uterus, the embryo doesn’t care whether it spent five days in the tube or in a test tube. From that point on, it’s just like any normal pregnancy.
Patient: But many of us feel so inadequate. We can’t do something that other couples seem to do so easily. That’s why we start to think of ourselves as “patients”.
Dr. Malpani: And that’s exactly the problem. When you label yourself a “patient”, it lowers your self-esteem. It makes you feel abnormal and stressed. Then you start looking for long lists of dos and don’ts, which doctors are only too happy to give. But the truth is—these don’t really make a difference. Implantation is a natural biological process that happens inside your uterus. It doesn’t depend on whether you’re exercising, stressed at work, or eating a particular diet.
Patient: So stressing out won’t make me lose my embryo?
Dr. Malpani: Exactly. Even if your boss yells at you, it won’t affect whether your embryo implants or not. IVF is not “artificial” reproduction—it’s assisted reproduction. We’re just giving nature a helping hand to overcome a hurdle. Once that hurdle is crossed, your pregnancy is like anyone else’s.
Patient: That makes me feel a lot better. But what about if the cycle fails? Won’t I feel like I did something wrong?
Dr. Malpani: That’s another dangerous effect of seeing yourself as a “patient”. If the cycle fails, you start blaming yourself unnecessarily. But think of it this way—fertile couples trying in the bedroom don’t get pregnant every month either. They don’t beat themselves up for it because they understand reproduction is inefficient. The same is true for IVF. Please stop blaming yourself, and don’t let anyone else blame you either.
Patient: Thank you, Dr Malpani. I now understand why I should stop calling myself a “patient”.
Dr. Malpani: Exactly. You’re not sick. You’re healthy—you just need a little assistance to get pregnant.