The sexless marriage as a cause of infertility

A surprisingly common reason for the inability to have a child in today's modern world is infrequent sex. Now, this may seem surprising in this day and age when you expect everyone to be so sexually aware. However, people living in large metropolises are so stressed out that they simply don't have time to have sex ! They spend three hours or four hours commuting everyday, so that by the time they come back home , they are dead tired. Thanks to the mobile, they are always " on call", and have tons of work which they have brought from the office to complete, along with replying to emails and returning calls. You then just want to relax by watching a mindless TV serial , at the end of which all you want to do is go to sleep . It's hard to find the energy to be able to have sex, so you put it off to the weekend. And even if you are in the mood, your wife may not be, because she has her own tasks to complete . This is why a lot of modern couples end up having sex maybe just once a week - and sometimes not even then, because they have to complete all their weekly chores in their spare time, as a result of which finding the energy to have sex ends up taking a back seat.
Now, this is something they're not very proud of , and it's not information which they are willing to volunteer at the time of the first consultation with their doctor. They say, "Yes, we've been trying to have a baby for a year , but I'm still not pregnant, so I need medical assistance." However, the reality is that they've just not had intercourse frequently enough to be able to get pregnant. This is tragic , because their infertility is not a result of a medical problem - it is social infertility - the price we pay for wanting to live in a city like Mumbai or Delhi , where the pressure is so much that perhaps the only relaxed time you get to spend with your wife is on a weekend. The husband's single-minded obsession with his work can become a sore issue , and the wife feels resentful and neglected, because he is not bothered about her desire to have a child.
Now, this doesn't mean that everything is gloom and doom. It just means that you need to set your priorities right , and find the right work-life balance . The truth is that your office won't go to pieces if you don't complete your work , but there's no one else who can get your wife pregnant - this is not something which you can outsource !
Here are some simple tips which you can follow in order to increase your chances of getting pregnant.
It's helpful to know what the fertile time is, and there are lots of free apps such as MyFertilityDiary at which can help you time baby making sex, so you don't miss the crucial fertile days .
Lots of couples are surprisingly clueless about sexual anatomy and physiology, because they get their "facts" from blue films ! Please buy a few good books on the basics of how to have sex, so you understand the basics. Classics like Alex Comfort's The Joy of Sex are a great guide,
It might be a good idea to tell your wife to seduce you - this can spice up your sex life and make it more fun ! You should invest in some sexual toys , and watching soft porn together can help both of you get in the mood.
If you find that you're too tired to do it at night, then you might want to do it first thing in the morning , when you often have an early morning erection and can have a quickie. Using liquid paraffin to help with lubrication can also help to improve the chances of getting pregnant, because sex won't be painful for your wife, even if she is not aroused.
Hopefully, if you do a good job, you won't have to go to an infertility doctor at all - after all, it's much more fun making a baby in your bedroom !
Authored by : Dr Aniruddha Malpani, MD and reviewed by Dr Anjali Malpani.